Most people try to break out of prison, but this crazy not so demure Southerner actually broke into one.

 

Sammie Mays earned the rank of gonzo journalist when commissioned by the the National Enquirer (the world's most notorious tabloid) to snag a picture of baseball bad boy Pete Rose while incarcerated in the infamous Illinois Super Max penitentiary. The lure of $100,000 proved too much for her to resist.

 

The plan only concocted after some low-life broke into her saloon in the seaport town of Pascagoula Mississippi and stole her blind.

 

“Not just the liquor, money and beer; they stole the pooltable, barstools, cash register and even the air conditioning unit! I’ve always heard a bad artist borrows and a good artist steals." Sammie tells the Coconut Telegraph. "I wonder what they named the new bar?”

 

(A twenty-four hour hell raising honky tonk) the location of Sammie's Bar was the key to the musical beginnings for the Mayor of Margaritaville, Jimmy Buffett.

 

"His one-legged Uncle Billy Buffett (a regular at the bar) struck a deal for his underage nephew to sweep and mop spilled swill from the floor in exchange for stage time. Clever Uncle Bill drank for free!"

 

Busted, strapped for cash and desperate for a quick fix...Sammie weighed her options and instead of posing nude for Hustler, she posed as a musician hiding two identical 35 milimeter cameras inside a busted-out speaker cabinet, sweet talked the warden and herself right into the United States toughest penitentiary. And literally through hook and crook she managed to score the coveted picture of Pete Rose in the Pokey!

 

Next day word of the beer slinging journalist espionage operation hit the AP. "Where she's going she's not going to be able to spent that money!" the angry warden told the press just days before losing his job. Worried about her freedom Sammie went underground. Long story short, when the smoke cleared the photo had been named "Best of Year" by Sports Illustrated and when she re-emerged the title of "The Gonz" had been bestowed by peers. The Gonz was hailed tabloid sensation by the national media.

 

When I read the incredible story I Shot Pete Rose  I was astounded that her gonzo antics haven’t been turned into a movie...or maybe they have!

 

The Gonz homeport is Key West Florida from where she rules as the Honorary Mayor Gonzo Mays.

 

Sanmmie tired of yellow journalism but you can read the Adventures of Gonzo Girl most every month on the pages of Key West TravelHost Magazine (voted America #1 travel magazine). You can also catch glimpses of Mayor Gonzo on Comcast tourist television.

 

"Living on Gonzo Island and writing sorted adventures and drunken tales of characters I encounter sure beats the hell out of working for Southern Bride Magazine." The famous writer and photojournalist tells us.

 

"Bridezillas give me the heebie jeebies! I've been married 3 times myself and had to kill 'em all! Except for that one who got away. He lost his mind and checked into a mental institution. Yep, clinical insane!" she said chuckling as she ordered a shot of Patron and a beer chaser.

 

When we ask the Gonz about her 1982 arrest on corruption charges which resulted in her being deported from the island of Sint Maarten (yet another entertaining adventure) Sammie claimed she was only trying to help educate the poor islanders and that law was just pissed off that day because they had missed intercepting a load of Jamaican lamb's bread that was being distributed on both the French and Dutch side of the island.

 

Miraculously Mayor Gonz is a survivor of not one but two direct hit Category 5 hurricanes (Camille and Katrina) and so far has managed to dodge a death threat from her old editor-in-chief at the National Enquirer. "Name withheld to protect the dirty rotten bastard who still works his miserable 9 to 5 job."

 

But according to Mayor Gonzo “Nothing, but nothing, is as bad or as painful
as that gig with the bridal magazine. Still to this day I hate pink chiffon!"

 

Sammie Mays is like no one else you'll ever encounter. When Mayor Gonzo showed up for our interview she walked into the glass-bottom bar at the Key Largo Pilot House chomping on a Cuban cigar and offered me one. I politely declined and she said, "Why not you probably smoke everything else!”

 

When I ask what brought her to the Florida Keys she blamed it on “that smugglin’, gun runnin’, womanizin', Captain Tony Tarracino. And besides it was as good a place as any to lay low while the National Enquirer got over being pissed off at me.” 

 

What do you plan to do next we ask, "Not a damn thing but sit here and have another beer” she said. And that she did (several more!).